5 days

or less ;)

Just heard from the attorney. R is having minor labor pains about 15 minutes apart (backachesI think) and has dropped.

Still 2cm dilated, not effaced. It's going to be soon I think.

Does any of this mean anything to you guys? Remember, she has had 2 already.

I need to finish packing my bag.

6 days

Less than one week. She is 2 cm dialated and having sporadic labor pains.

I am slowly going insane. We are totally ready to just drop everything and go. Everything is done. I mean everything.

I officially told work today that Friday is my last day before I go on FMLA leave. That way, even if she hasn't gone into labor, I can go down this weekend and wait for the call there. Then I will be able to see the delivery for sure. So in a way I want her to deliver now, but if she holds out until the weekend, then I will be more likely to see the delivery.

Any other ideas on how to keep my mind occupied for these last few days are welcomed!

11 days

The diaper bag is packed.

Still no word from the attorney on how the birthmother (like I said before, I will call her B.) fared at her ob appointment earlier this week. I just need info. Something to keep me from obsessing and spiraling into irrational thought.

Totally off topic...

When your best friends say they want to take you to dinner to celebrate the good news, do you assume that they are paying? Or if they care what you want to eat, where you want to go, etc.?

Answer: A normal person would say yes and yes. But clearly, I don't have normal friends. We split the check and they chose the place. And by the way if you offer to drive and then wait til we show up and look at us blankly and say 'oh, you want us to drive???', then you are an a$$hole in my book. I can't believe it; I knew that they were self centered, but sheesh. And one last thing, don't say it is a celebration for our good news, when you were actually looking for an excuse to buy a new outfit and show off the newly purchased bre@st implants you got a few weeks back. Don't even put them in the same mf'ing category. I'd be happy to celebrate your tits with you, but not the same night. No. Not. Ever.

But on a positive note, take a look at my weight loss stats on the side nav bar. Woohoo!

13 days

Ho hum. So I made two trays of manicotti last night and a sausage marinara; all of which a resting comfortably in my freezer.

It is getting hard to find things to occupy my time :) So far today I have worked on the wording of my hypothetical 'adoption announcements'. Although I am confused about which dates to include. Do I just say born on blah date and leave out the 'into our arms' or 'ours forever' since we will get him the day he is born. I think the other stuff would be more relevant if we wait and send something out after finalization. Any thoughts on this one???

I have also started working on my FMLA paperwork for work. It seems relatively straight forward, so I should finish those tonight.

Beth was so kind as to ask for the recipes to some of the yummy dishes I was making for the freezer so I thought I would indulge and include some of them here:

Chicken Spectacular

3 cups cooked, diced chicken
1 package Uncle Ben's Wild and White Rice, cooked
1 can cream of celery soup
1 med. size jar sliced pimiento
1 med. onion, chopped
1 can French-style green beans, drained
1 cup mayonnaise
1 can water chestnuts, diced
salt & pepper to taste
grated cheddar cheese

Heat oven to 350 degrees. Mix all ingredients (except cheese) together then pour into buttered 3-quart casserole. Spread grated cheese over top. Bake about 25 to 30 minutes.Chicken and green bean casserole serves 8.


Chicken Tetrazzini

12 oz. medium egg noodles, cooked and drained
4 chicken breasts, boiled, deboned, chopped
8 oz can sliced mushrooms, drained and sauteed with butter or margarine
2 cans cream of chicken soup
1 pint sour cream
parmesan cheese

Mix all ingredients, except cheese, together. Pour into 2 casserole dishes. Sprinkle grated parmesan cheese on top. Bake at 350 degrees until bubbly.(Time varies by type ofdish used and whether casserole has been frozen or refrigerated.) It generally takesabout 45 min. to bake. Note: I like to use low fat sour cream and reduced fat cream ofchicken soup when I make this. I also preferto use fresh mushrooms which I saute in a small amount of margarine.

14 days

And what do you get, another day older and deeper in debt. Oh sorry, that is an oldie that gets stuck in my head sometimes.

Well, I was a cooking machine last night.

I made chicken tetrazzini, chicken and rice casserole and homemade chicken noodle soup last night and put them in separate casserole containers and froze them. Tonight I may make a tray of manicotti and some extra marinara to freeze too.

I am just trying to stay as busy as possible. I am still entertaining other suggestions on how to pass the time, if anyone has any!

15 days and counting

I will probably keep posting the days even though due dates are very arbitrary dates.

Got news from the attorney that the birthmother and/or her advocate will contact me directly when she goes into labor.

That has pro's and con's. The pro is that we don't have to wait fortwo attorneys to pass along the info (esp. since they don't answer thephone at night)!

But the con is what if she forgets, or loses my number or something.Then what? Plus it is long distance for her and I don't want her tohave to pay to call me. I guess you can call collect to a cell phone. Does anyone know?

I know I am probably overanalyzing, ugh.

T-minus

2 weeks and 4 days and counting

Can you tell I am totally blowing off work???

Could I be any more distracted

I cannot concentrate on anything. Work is a total waste of my time right now.

I have been in contact with my attorney over the past couple of days and things are moving along.

Obviously no word from our pbm (who I will refer to as B. from now on), so she must still be preggers. I don't envy her in the FL heat at 37 weeks, I tell you that.

I updated our registries yesterday and my sis is trying to plan a shower for about a month after when the baby would come home. So things are busy, busy here.

Sorry that there is not much else to report. I just can't concentrate and am sleeping a ton (but not soundly) so I am totally exhausted too!

I'm back!

And all went really well!!! We flew in Sun night and then got up bright and early on Monday to meet with our attorney. We did the generic contract review, payment of the retainer, adoption disclosure forms, etc. Then we packed up and headed over to the other attorney’s office.

There we met briefly with him so that he could let us know what to expect as far as actually meeting the birthmother. She was nervously waiting in a conference room for us while we chatted with the lawyers. We were terrified, especially since when we finally went in, we had to attorney’s watching us and listening to everything we had to say.

At first it was awkward, but once we started talking it went very smoothly. She started by asking a couple of outstanding questions that she had, then she segued into our questions by telling us what it was about our profile that made her choose us.

It was great to finally hear some live feedback on that. Basically it came down to a few things; 1) she thought we were very honest in our responses, 2) she liked that we weren’t in the area and that meant that her son would grow up knowing something different than she did; and that 3) we have adoptive family members so that meant the families were open to the idea (I have 2 cousins and a brother in law who were adopted).

We chatted for a while longer at the office then we took her to a couple of appointments she had (she doesn’t have a car) and then to pick up some pictures of her other children that she wanted us to see. At that point she took a look at our album and we gave her the small gift we had brought for her. She was so touched and kept telling us that we shouldn’t have.

Then we went to lunch at Applebee’s where we talked for another couple of hours. All in all it was a great experience, though I really wasn’t sure what to expect. I feel confident that this is a good fit all around and that she is solid in her adoption plans. According to everyone involved, the bf is also a very willing participant in the plans too. She really seems to have a good head on her shoulders and has chosen to make better choices for herself moving forward. She also assured us (a few times) that she is definitely going through with this.

Now we wait until she goes into labor. In her last (2nd) pregnancy, she went at 36 weeks, which is where she is now. And her labor only lasted 4-6 hours. So, it is possible that we won’t be able to make it down in time to see it. She does want us to be there but understands that it might take us too long to make the trip (even flying).

There are probably things that I am forgetting, but I am too tired to even think right now. I'll reread this tomorrow to see if there is anything I have forgotten.

Getting ready for the trip

Scrambling to get ready to fly out tomorrow night. I got us flights tomorrow evening and then returning on Tuesday morning. I basically had to pay full price, which sucked. I tried contacting the airlines directly to get a better deal, but to no avail. So we are flying Southwest, which means that at least the flight is direct and the schedule is good for us. On the other hand, the Baltimore airport is by far the furthest from our house :( So a lot of driving and logisitics problems.

Then on Monday morning we meet with our attorney first, then go over to the pbm's attorneys. Finally, we will take the pbm out for the afternoon (lunch and whatever). I have asked my sister who is local there to help me plan out an itinerary and get good directions so that we don't look like idiots in front of her. We also (after consulting with our attorney) got a little spa gift set and target gift card for the pbm. I hope that she'll like it.

I plan to spend the afternoon today brainstorming questions to ask both the attorney and conversation questions for the pbm. I have a class this morning on contracts for my real estate stuff and then I have to do an open house for a colleague. So, at least I won't have too much time to obsess. Then when I am done with that we have a bbq for our next door neighbor's 40th birthday. After that, DH and I have to finish putting a photo album together and pack. I have to pack tonight since I have to coordinate a wedding tomorrow. Oh, does the excitement ever end. Hell, we would have gone down to FL tonight if if weren't for that damned wedding tomorrow. It is the ONLY thing that I do that I cannot bail on or hand off to someone else. I am my only wedding planner and with this short notice no planner would take the job nor would the bride be to happy that I am leaving her in the lurch. If I can just get through the next two days, I should be able to do anything. LOL

And I am down to 192. Woohoo!!! And it must be all this nervous energy I have right now. Because I have been eating like crap these days. I have had (gulp) fast food 3, count em 3, times this week. I am trying to do better but the nerves are getting to me. Good stress can be just as hard to handle, emotionally, as bad stress. I am going to change my sidebar to show the new weight!

You'll never believe it...

She picked us. Out of the 7 profiles,

she.picked.us.

Didn't even down select. We are flying to FL on Sunday night so that we can meet her on Monday and spend the day with her.

I also found out that she is 1cm dialated, so she may not make it to her 7/5 due date. OMG!!!

Will have to post more later, I am so frantic I don't know what I am doing.

And we wait

I guess that somewhere in Florida right now there is a conference room in a law office with some attorneys, a birthmother, a birthfather, a birth parent advocate and a bunch of profiles sitting there.

Who knows what they are saying, thinking, feeling? Maybe we are too young, too old, too fat, too rich, too boring. You never can tell about these things. Most all of the agency feedback to date has been that the birthmother's picked families with kids already. Well hell, our chances aren't so hot with those requirements. We could dress our dog up like a princess and say she is our toddler with an unusual fascination with Jasmine or something. But then they might just think we are wack jobs.

I wish I could make this time go more quickly. I don't know when we'll hear anything. Probably today or tomorrow. This is worse than waiting for the beta call.

Profile sumbitted

Here is an excerpt from the email the attorney sent last night:

"I am going to review all profiles I have received and make each packet uniform. I do not want any couple to have an unfair advantage over any other couple. They will be presented to the BM on Thurs. morning. Approx. 5-6 other couples are being presented to her. This is a more expedited process than normal due to her contacting me so late in the pregnancy and her impending delivery date. I expect she will pick only 1-2 couples with whom she wants to meet in person and they will then need to arrange to fly here, in short order. She may want telephone contact first, I don't know. I will respond to whatever her attorney requests."

She also had a more personal touch at the end since the person who referred me to her is a good friend. They had lunch together yesterday so it is nice that there is more than a totally professional feel to the communications now.

I guess we wait.

In the mean time I am putting off the payment to the agency of the new program fee (due July 1) as long as possible. Just in case this works out, that could save me $3,500 :)

Next steps

We got the answers from the attorney; so we did it. We officially submitted our profile to her to present to the birthmother this week. The plan is to present by mid-week but no later than the end of the week.

I don't know yet how many others she will be presenting. I was kinda hoping that it would just be us (wishful thinking I know). And I actually started reading a baby book since I realized I wouldn't know what the heck to do with a baby if I got one. I mean really... I can feed a kid and burp a kid and change a kid, but I don't know how many ounces they should be eating in the beginning, how to sterilize a bottle properly, etc., so I figured I should start reading up.

From my understanding, this is now just like the agency where we are getting shown and picked by the birthmom and we just have to sit around twiddling our thumbs.

I hope this is the one. The wait is soooooo much harder when there is 'hope'. I know that sounds counterintuitive, but it is true. I did email asking about how many others were being presented. I may know more later.

Update: heard from the attorney

We've had some email dialogue today with the attorney. Long story short, we decided to submit our profile so that the pbm can take a look. They want to have her looking at them by middle of the week (at the latest by the end of the week). Most of our questions were answered. And we were ok with all of them. It means that, if chosen, we travel there within 7-14 days to meet her.

There are still a few outstanding questions/issues, but the attorney assured us that she would get us the info asap. I also spoke with her assistant today and she was very helpful today. I had to coordinate a processing fee (very minimal) so that we could be considered. So basically, I have only had a good vibe thus far.

Overall though, I am not sure how to feel. This was one of those unusual coincidences and it feels good. But I don't know how many people are in the running or how this whole thing really works.

Meanwhile back at the ranch

It has been a busy, exciting, nervewracking and crazy weekend here. On Friday my sister in FL forwarded me an email she had gotten from a lawyer in her book club. It was about an adoption situation that she had. Eventually this email (after having been reviewed by said sister and my local sister) was forwarded to me. It was an intriuging situation. One that had my heart aflutter. One of the problems is that, even though the situation is one that we would be open to with our agency, is harder to accept when there isn't the protection of the agency. Also, my sisters now 'know' the whole background of the situation. Again, not a huge deal but not one of those things that I really ever thought was anyone's business but ours.

So, we spent most of Friday making calls to doctors, laywers, etc. trying to figure out what the next steps were. We also sent the laywer an email with a number of clarification questions in order for us to make a decision to keep moving forward. I also know that there are other families who have made initial contact as well. So this is not a sure thing even if we say go.

At this point I am waiting on the answers to the questions we posed and have completed their 'profile' questionnaire (which was basically a cut and paste job from my homestudy). That way if the answers are acceptable to us, then we can just email the profile immediately and get things moving.

BTW, she is due on July 5th. So this is moving pretty quick.

My mind is racing and I know this post rambled. I hope to be able to post more later today.

Wish us luck.

Thoughts on my workouts

I didn't do a weigh in until Monday and the scale still hovered around 194. So, another week without a loss. I need to buckle down to make sure that I don't give in to the old me and head out to Taco Bell to ease the pain.

I ran again last night. 3 miles this time. Just under 40 minutes. But it isn't getting all that much easier. I can't seem to stop checking the time/distance remaining. That is killing me. Last night I didn't look at the readout as long as I could stand it (which was at the 21 minute mark). So then I realized I still had half my run to go. Ugh. Maybe I should take the running outside, but then I am worried about the heat. I get very flushed, hot, sweaty, etc. even in the AC and in my basement on the treadmill, so I worry about trying to run in the heat. I also have a feeling that when I introduce real world obstacles (hills, dogs, people staring), I just won't go as far. And I don't want to succumb to that. I need to figure out some alternative though, to make sure that I don't ruin all of my efforts to date.

I plan on getting back to five workouts a week. Along with my sensible eating plan, I should start to see improvements in fitness, on the scale and in my clothes in a few weeks.

I am also trying to amend my goals. I had a very lofty goal for the Vegas trip. Which I only missed by one pound. But I worry that since I am only shooting for 185 by Labor day, that I will get slack in both my eating and working out. Maybe I should shoot for 180 and see what happens. That way I have 15 weeks to lose 14 pounds (instead of 15 weeks to lose 9 pounds). Ok, so I'll go for the 180 by Labor day. That will also change my longer term goals a bit. I am off to check my goals spreadsheet and will post back with the revised long term plan!